I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
