4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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