So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
