I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Two words: nipple clamps
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