do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
