So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
