About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
