Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
sarcasm needs its own font
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
