Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it's great music for shaving your balls
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
