i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
