How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
