He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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