So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
