No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
