You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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