Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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