We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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