he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
