This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
