Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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