I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
