Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
