Cold hands, warm shart.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
