Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
