at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
