She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You were trust falling into bushes
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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