He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
