this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
