so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
