Your mouth is God's brothel.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
