Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
