Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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