I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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