That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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