i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
