So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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