Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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