they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
