I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
