I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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