I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
