3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
