Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
