well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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