He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
