We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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