You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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