the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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