i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
