she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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