I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
only if we run a train.
done.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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