Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
